Notes From A Broken Heart

Jim, my fearless friend, died recently. Others of his legion of friends will note that he "transitioned," and some will remark that he "passed away." Not to quibble! However, since my younger daughter Courtney's death, I've embraced "death and dying" as terms emblematic of permanent-not-coming-back-this-way-again-loss. This distinction does nothing to ease the heart-wrenching, mind-boggling emptiness I still feel five years later.  I expect nothing ever will. Jim died, not suddenly at all; he'd been under hospice care for little more than a week; his two daughters and son holding vigil yet dreading its ending.  The "old folks" would say, "He just slept away," leaving jaundiced earth behind.  His contemporaries would opine, "he just went on Home" to a promised Glory, through the door God had dispatched his angel to open. When my dad died a decade ago, the nurse who met us at the elevator eulogized him as "A gra...

(I haven't blogged in almost two months, having spent half of that time in Chicago.  Here's part of the "why").     "Chicago, Chicago, that toddling town.  Chicago, Chicago, I will show you around.  Bet your bottom dollar you'll lose the blues in Chicago, Chicago; the town that Billy Sunday couldn't shut down," or so Frank Sinatra sang back in the day.  (Billy Sunday?) I spent half my sojourn as a Don Quixotic sidekick to my candidate-niece, Judie, in her quest to win a  judgeship in a hotly contested race.  Let me explain: all my nieces and nephews (and there's a slew of them) rank as "favorite,"  but that designation had nothing to do with my decision to spend almost a month in Chi-Town. More than likely,  the reality of my sister and her daughter living on different floors in a lakefront high-rise, persuaded me. I've opined previously about the Siren allure of Lake Michigan! It harbors a personality that changes like a chameleon,...

  "How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever" How long will you hide your face from me?" Psalm 13:1 Typically, I do not write about "current events."  (Maybe, they wore me out in middle and high school).  My sojourn through grief, loss, and its aftermath following Courtney's untimely death continues the paralysis of denial and anger, mostly in fits and starts.  I've learned not to calibrate recovery on a scale of 1 to 10.  Nor can I predict when the emotional rollercoaster of grief will execute a double twist and whirl, then stop abruptly. The "current event" of Courtney's death still pulsates. However, the back story of this heart change can be traced back a little over three years.  After blogging for some months and receiving feedback only from Jan and Sherry, I decided to scan the statistics notesfromabrokenheart.blogspot.com collects. The data revealed hundreds of readers in Ukraine?   Ukraine? What?  My mind puckered as I realized...

I agree that a Mother's love, including birthing and adopting children, as well as for family and friends, represents the closest we humans get to God's Love. The apostle John tells us, "For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life" (3:16. NRSV).  By universal standard, that's BIG LOVE.  In fact, some Protestant denominations refer to the Sovereign God as  "Father-Mother God" or the "double-breasted God."  I'm not proselytizing, just sayin'. Unequivocally, however, I attest to the power of Mother Love, tracing it from (Grand)Mama, Mother's revered mama, to Mother, and the countless moms who gave birth or were blessed to care for, guide, and tend to so many---that consummate love.  Mothers seem unable to stem, stifle,  or stop love from gushing over with gusto! Again, I'm just sayin".   The official second Sunday in May Mothers Day celebrat...

Barefoot, the Evangelist stands maybe Five Feet; she may top  5'3" in high heels. Yet her voice rings with the authority of a 6-foot-tall Marine Master Sergeant.  For years, she ministered at a monthly Saturday noon gathering of women at her Church, where she served as an Evangelist.  Congregants of several denominations throughout metropolitan Denver attended.  Clearly directed by the Holy Spirit, the Evangelist always began with communal prayer, then welcomed the Holy Ghost to lead the way.  Just recalling,  "All it takes is a made-up mind,"  engenders revelatory lessons that feed me years later.  Evangelist Dallas Burleson (nee Johnson) would remind attendees of God's Word, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you" (Jeremiah 1:3a, NSRV).   Further, she'd explain through Old Testament Joshua, that God had given us an either-or choice. "Now if you are unwilling to serve the Lord, choose thi...

Revelation Knowledge follows.   The self "Eases God Out" (Ego) and typifies ignorance of the Spirit of God.  Self fights valiantly to retrench and rebuild when faced with the possible loss of another to God.  Self "religiously" dominates anyone it can, allowing self-righteousness (and not the righteousness of God) to rule and reign.  Self admonishes that it can only believe in, trust in, and hope within her confines, and finds misleading Scriptures to prove that tenet.  Self pronounces and denounces any as a sinner who falls short of her perfection.  She  alone wants all the glory. Self creates chimeras, feasts on perceived failures, and gorges on the gratuitous.  In three, pithy words: self is dangerous, often masquerading as the true "I Am." She subsequently debilitates and destroys while erecting monuments to mirages. Self dons hundred of faces to distract, detract, and diminish.  She appears tireless, even when one attempts to...

"On the road again Just can't wait to get on the road again The life I love is making music with my friends And I can't wait to get on the road again." Dear Readers, I didn't disappear permanently.  Nor did I take a sabbatical.  Quite frankly, life got its hold on me with a ferocity that caught me off guard.  It's one thing to read the Bible about "wars and rumors of war" and quite another to sit as comfortably as I can on my couch and watch the televised attempt to destroy Ukraine.  A sovereign nation, Ukraine and its proud people, thriving economy, and vibrant culture now fight for its inalienable right to freedom. This stalwart nation continues a courageous and valiant battle against Vladimir Putin, the maniacal Russian despot, whose hatred and aggression spotlight the evil that resides in his sin-sick soul. Do you wonder how I, a Black woman in the United States, feel so strongly about the country of Ukraine?  Glad you want to know.  Four years a...