Anger



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Walking Through the Valley

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Utter helplessness.  Utter hopelessness. D oes the former more accurately reflect the state of my mind than the latter? Are both accurate? Neither? No question about the "utter" part, unless "Utterly" fits more aptly.  No, I'm not playing word games, nor am I minimizing my quest.  The angst from which this word-chase  derives may be traced to my wrestling with something so senseless.   It's not aimless rambling. either. Its genesis began with the death of Courtney, the younger of my two daughters.  How I responded to it, or didn't. The quagmire of emotions that either hunted or haunts   me.   Yes, I felt helpless, without hope, bereft.  Death devours sensibility, sensitivity,  and stability, among a trillion other losses. In fact, I had learned life, or learned to emulate a pretty average life.  Which was alright with me.   Let me live out my threescore-and-ten years, I resolved, "or even by reason of streng...
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The "He may not come when you want Him but He's always on time" Miracle

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  miracle - a surprising and welcome event that is not explicable by natural or scientific laws and is therefore considered to be the work of a divine agency; a highly improbable extraordinary event, development, or accomplishment that brings very welcome consequences. "For I know the thoughts I think toward you, says the Lord, thought of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." (Jeremiah 29:11a) Knowledge.  Discernment.  Understanding, Wisdom.  These gifts come in stages or phases, although many of us may disagree on the definition of terms.  I use "stages" and "phases" synonymously to depict progression that leads to a "knowingness," or the acquisition of wisdom.  What do I mean, and how do these terms describe the  miracle of how God works in my life? Two seemingly disparate concepts account for illumination and growth. First and foremost, I am a teacher.  I cannot remember when I didn't know this.  An early memory derived ...
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A Long Way Home

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  I'd been in and out of a fugue state for some time.  Questions abounded as uncertainties finger, much less center my mind on a reason.  I felt out-of-sorts, what Mother would describe as not "feeling so brown-skinned."  I never outright asked her what the description meant because she seemed so certain about her status.  After the declaration, typically the rest of her day involved singing a medley of hymns designed to improve her emotional trajectory. I hadn't felt "brown-skinned"  for too long. Spirit had sent friends who wondered how I was doing.  "I haven't heard from you in a while. Is everything alright? " appeared with a metronomic voice or text messaging frequency.   Others sent  Scriptures or encouraging emojis to " "Look and live," my brother live, Look to Jesus now and live; Tis recorded in His word, Hallelujah! It is only that you "look and love." Still, I walked around in a funk. neither up nor down; sad ...
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