Notes From A Broken Heart

Why? Why do expressions uttered in the face of death often mirror New Year Resolutions, made with good intentions, but just as ephemeral?  Why is it that well-meaning friends and strangers alike, use tears as the primary barometer for assessing "real" grief? Have you cried, they probed? "Well, you need to!  Try and figure out why you're not boohooing. Let your emotions loose!  Release yourself! Let her rip!'  Suffice it, well-meaning friends, acquaintances, and downright strangers intrude in sometimes unconscionable ways.  They deflate; they incite; they flabbergast; and in the end, they've worn me down, tired me out! The loss of life, while engendering a kind of not-so-subtle voyeurism, isn't the only standard.  The termination of a love relationship or business association or a job or any unexpected or unpredictable event ranks high on the list. They spark speculations that sprout like weeds in an untended flowerbed.  Of course, humans are hotw

How do I forgive myself for deeds of omission and commission? Dastardly deeds.   Where can I find a mirror, position myself firmly, and direct inspection as an unbiased onlooker?  Not winking at warts nor ignoring the (few) good features (expressive eyes, unblemished skin);  or the parenthesis between eyebrows?  If "eyes are the window to the soul" is true, can they distinguish between a heart of stone and one of pliant flesh? So, how do I forgive myself? Does forgiveness carry a "one-size-fits-all" tag? I recall the disciple Peter's question about forgiving others.    Saying "Seventy times seven," Jesus' response allowed no equivocation.  Does the same absolution apply to me? Can I give myself the grace God gives us, or am I trying to weasel out of full accountability, and sidle into some "feel good" moments? Let's face it.  Does the fact that I am a "sinner saved by grace," suffice? If true, where do I place al

"At the cross, at the cross where I first saw the light, And the burden of my heart rolled away-rolled away. It was there by faith I received my sight, And now I am happy all the day! "First, hold the bread in your hand and say: Thank You, Jesus, for Your broken body.  Thank You for bearing my symptoms and sicknesses at the cross so that I may our health and wholeness.  I declare that by Your stripes, by the beatings Yu bore, by the lashes which fell on Your back, I am completely healed.  I believe and I receive Your resurrection life in my body today..." ( Eating Your Way to Wholeness: A Practical Guide to the Holy Communion, by Joseph Prince) "At the Cross" jumped out at me as I was reading "the bread" declaration and holding the Sacramental element.  My daily, sacred respite.  However,  this morning "At the cross" hit me like ice-cold water dashed directly in my face.  Startled, I sat trancelike as my eyes widened, really opene