Mea Culpa





How do I forgive myself for deeds of omission and commission? Dastardly deeds.  Where can I find a mirror, position myself firmly, and direct inspection as an unbiased onlooker?  Not winking at warts nor ignoring the (few) good features (expressive eyes, unblemished skin);  or the parenthesis between eyebrows?  If "eyes are the window to the soul" is true, can they distinguish between a heart of stone and one of pliant flesh?

So, how do I forgive myself? Does forgiveness carry a "one-size-fits-all" tag? I recall the disciple Peter's question about forgiving others.  Saying "Seventy times seven," Jesus' response allowed no equivocation.  Does the same absolution apply to me? Can I give myself the grace God gives us, or am I trying to weasel out of full accountability, and sidle into some "feel good" moments?

Let's face it.  Does the fact that I am a "sinner saved by grace," suffice? If true, where do I place all my "stuff": idolatry, enmity, strife, fits of anger, jealousy, selfishness, avarice, envy,  and dissensions, to itemize a few? Throw them into the sea of forgetfulness, you suggest. "He will again have compassion on us.  And will subdue our iniquities.  You will cast all our sins in the depths of the sea." (Micah 7: 19)  

Really? With what do I fill the vacuum? I can't forgive myself for even the most minor infraction. Do I deserve it? What have I done that is of such stellar distinction that the guilt is erased? I recently saw this reassuring statement, "God will throw your sins in the Sea of Forgetfulness and place a sign that reads, NO FISHING ALLOWED.   These sins are gone, never to b brought up by God again." Well!
I can fill the place with the fruit of the Spirit, you say?  Love joy, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control? Hmm.

Since God has forgiven me and will not hold my sins against me, I circle back to where I began.  How do I forgive myself? Simply, I declare self-forgiveness.  I believe God's Word because He said it. I grew up hearing Church deacons declare, "God said it, I believe it, and that settles it!  "I was sinking deep in sin, Far from the peaceful shore, Very deeply stained within, Sinking to rise no more; But the Mater of the sea Heard my despairing cry, From the waters lifted me-Now safe am I,.  Love lifted me, Love lifted me, When nothing else could help, Love lifted me; Love lifted me.

Thank You,
Jesus.  








Comments

  1. ChanceMarch 17, 2020 at 7:09 AM

    "God said it, I believe it, and that settles it! Amen Sister, Amen. No matter how we FEEL. Our feelings will betray us, but God's Word is always true!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AnonymousMay 9, 2020 at 12:49 PM

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