Lord, I thank You, thank You, thank You..."

I certainly didn't know it while it was happening.  In fact, sometimes I thought of her admonition as a chore at best or just part of her "being Mother."  It took literally decades for me to realize how subtly God, even then, had been growing me in grace, in ways organizations like the Girl and Boy Scouts, or Sunday School classes had set out to do. Yet, it was from Mother's mouth that I learned to thank God, even if it took decades to realize the "You" I referenced was God.  Girl and Boy Scouts taught values and concepts, true, while kiddie Sunday School classes promoted good behaviors. 

Rather, I will clarify what the quality of Mother's instructions signified.  Yes, she taught gratitude, thankfulness, politeness, and compassion, among other qualities.  But she did so much more.  Mother modeled the spirit undergirding whatever she taught. Decades later, I describe her as a woman who walked the walk, talked the talk, and practiced what she preached!  Moreover, she made it all look effortless.

"I grew up in the church," many of my generation proudly boast as I do! However, the proud declaration represented an empty platitude, simply because I had no choice.  My parents treated the practice of religion as naturally as they did breathing. They sent us to school during the week, and took us to church on Sunday, the "Lord's Day." So yes, I could mark 52 Sundays a year as growth, but the quality of those Sundays was uneven.  Why, you ask?  Because the pastor and deacons never once( solicited my input into what was preached in the 11 AM worship services.  Seriously. 

Before I entered my twelfth year, however, I'd figured out a way to avoid attending Sunday worship services. (Because Daddy served as its superintendent, Sunday school attendance was mandatory, I'd assumed). I learned Old Testament history there.  More significantly. my parents' lives deeply reflected compliance with the culture, customs, and laws inscribed in the Old Testament. 

"Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord your God..." (Exodus 20:8a) and "It is a sabbath day of solemn rest for you..."(Leviticus 16:31).  

However, because Mother worked hard even on Saturdays, ("doing hair" of her four daughters and occasional neighbors, as well as sometimes, washing or ironing clothes, and finishing sewing projects), she didn't always have time on Saturdays to complete the big Sunday dinners we enjoyed, as well. So I persuaded Mother to let me leave when Sunday school ended to finish cooking Sunday dinners.  By the time I reached my teen years, I had segued into quite an accomplished cook, if I must compliment myself!

More than anything, the pastor's sermons highlighted where sinners would spend eternity.  They'd burn forever in the "lake of fire and brimstone," which scared the bejesus out of me! His messages produced paroxysms of fear, debilitating fear, that permeated my very being.  I didn't realize until I became a mother myself how intensely fear had been embedded its spirit into a ten-year-old skinny little Black girl!  

Sadly, though, the Pastor's fiery sermons served as standard fare and overwhelmed my thought life, even if they didn't always influence my behaviors.   (As far as I can remember, he never identified who the sinners were, so I never knew if my name was on the list or not!)  Sadly, those messages locked me in a fear-based,ind, terror-induced, scary world.   Except I didn't know it then. I. Did. Not. Know. It For. Years! 

No, it took decades of living, learning, studying, and Christ-centered therapy, for the "I once was blind but now I see" scales to fall from my eyes!  It feels like it took a million midnights for me to be able to joyously sing, "I thank You, Jesus. I thank You, Jesus. I thank You, Jesus. I thank You, Lord.  You brought me, yes, You brought me from a mighty, a mighty long way," and know where it emanated joyously from, and what it truly meant!  Then, I understood the genesis of Mother's praise songs.

"Do not be afraid.  Stand still. and see the salvation of the Lord, which He will accomplish for you today" (Exodus 14:13 NKJV).  Thank You, Jesus.