Hello Mother, Hello Daughter

 

DISCLAIMER: No names were used to protect everybody from everybody!

Dear Whomever:

I chose not to use a more identifiable term because sometimes, that's a dead giveaway.  If you do figure out it's me, you will have worked to get there.  I fervently wish you and my niece could engage in an occasional healthy conversation or over time, even boast a "healthy relationship." One less fraught with what appears to be downright antagonistic much of the time.  I have been privy to your disagreements, misunderstandings, and misstatements.  I've heard recounts of myriad declarations, including "I know what you meant," "That's not what I said," and "No, I will not apologize, ever!" From both of you.  Just saying.

What could be its genesis? Could it have begun when you'd make her (and her sister and brother)  eat breakfast oatmeal, long after it'd congealed and should've been tossed? Did your refusal to allow violin and modeling lessons simultaneously fertilize this animus? Do you even remember when, how, or why it started? Does she? Neither of you could or should be comfortable wielding these dangerous weapons.  Are you? Is she?

What would I call healthy conversations or healthy relationships? I'd describe it as paying strict attention to oral, cautionary signs like "Off-Limits," or "Do Not Enter," and especially "No Trespassing." Is your and my niece's relationship considered a "friendship," or still a "mother-child" relationship?  Even though both of you have voted in the last four national elections? Hmm.  Basically, is it a you say "to-may-to" and I say "to-mah-to" set-to?

 Can you remember the last time you and your daughter spontaneously talked with (not at) each, other without unpacking another suitcase filled with historical hurts? Each of you seems to justify the unabashed pain you've crammed into an innocent, but bulging, piece of luggage.  You share offenses as easily as we recited poems we'd memorized as kids for "special days" or other church presentations.

Not that it's my business or place to offer suggestions but... What about wiping the slates clean? Why not begin to forgive, forget, clean out, and clean up your old, pampered mistakes?  What's wrong with mistakes, anyway? I read somewhere that they help us to learn and grow.  Won't you free yourselves, mother and daughter, from carefully tracking the mote in your eye that has broadened into a beam in hers?   Ot vice-versa. Toss it all! Throw it away with a "I certainly didn't intend to say what you believe you heard," or simply, "I apologize. Just saying.