Foriving

 

"On the touchy and often misunderstood act of Forgiving"

Dear Squabbling Kinfolk, 

(I readily include myself as a blood-engaged grandmother, in ongoing conflict with an adult grandson).  Over decades, I've watched the debilitating effects,  great and small, between and among families corrode, erode, and weaken the DNA (and more) of an ordinary family.  Things that began as mere "specks" when left to ferment have become "beams," or logs that mar our civil interactions. 

Honestly, I cannot recall when a minor run-in became a major issue!  Nor can I remember the month, date, or season of the year an initial skirmish reared its head (to mix a metaphor or two) and ended up in a McCoy-Htfield draw.

Most incredibly, I wish I could tell you who or when "forgiving" or "forgiveness" entered my personal vocabulary, first as a concept and later as a possibility to be embraced.

Surely, a Sunday school teacher introduced me to the notion of forgiving others their "debts," as she read a story printed on one of those colorful 3X5 picture cards.  We learned about forgiving oneself when Eve's story was shared.  King David and Jonathan's lasting friendship underscored his ability to forgive the misdeeds of King Saul, his best friend's father, and David's sworn enemy.

Jesus provided the most telling and dramatic paradigm of forgiveness when He implored His Father from the cross, "Forgive the (His accusers and killers), for they know not what they do."

Surely not all of you, my siblings, cousins (including those thrice removed), aunts, uncles, in-laws, out-laws, and "exes," attended (or were cajoled or forced into) Sunday school.  We went because Daddy served as Sunday school superintendent, so it'd have been unthinkable if we hadn't warmed the chairs every Sunday.

I question our family's definition of forgiving or forgiveness.  Does it wax expansively, as Jesus did, or does it constrict you into a "either-or" corner? Well into adulthood, do you like me, stubbornly believe forgiving remains too difficult? Have you judged it darn near impossible? Where do you draw the line on the battlefield of ego? How easy or unmanageable has forgiving been for you?

Truly and initially, I used to believe forgiving represented too steep a mountain to climb or too treacherous a Golden Gate bridge to traverse.  During that time, I joined the "I can forgive but not forget" brigade and felt fine about it.  Finally, well into adulthood in Georgia, a nondenominational church pastor simply explained that not one of us alone carried the power to forgive! 

The preacher-teacher explained that not only have we sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, but that the only "man" who sought true forgiveness for others, had to ask His Father to grant it.

Hmm.  What happened? Did I merely express the sentiments written in a hymn sung in my childhood church? "I must tell Jesus all of my trials, I cannot beat these burdens alone; In my distress, He kindly will help me, He ever loves me and cares for His own.  I must tell Jesus! I cannot bear my burdens alone' I must tell Jesus! I must tell Jesus! Jesus can help me, Jesus alone."

Hmm. Hmm.  Hmm.

Years ago,  I watched a commercial featuring "Mikey," that promised, "Try it, you'll like it!"  Well, I tried forgiving and discovered I liked it.  The light bulb stayed lit after I discovered forgiving is possible, natural, and manageable.  When I practiced leaning on "His everlasting arms, " I learned that God does the heavy lifting." That is, "Ask," became my singular requirement. "Ask," as in "Ask, and it will be given to you; search, and you will find knock and the door will be opened for you" (Matthew 7:7, NRSV)

With Our Father's guidance, I've learned to forgive. What? When? How? Why? Everyone and all things. God holds me upright with His righteous right hand each and every time my resolve falters.  I embrace forgiveness as an attribute of thanksgiving as in, "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus in you," (1 Thessalonians 5:16, NRSV).  

Every time. All the time.  Try it, will you?  You might like it!