Autumn Leaves

Living in Colorado ranks as one of the greatest blessings I've received. The Fall season drapes itself in grandeur.  Relief from the stifling August heat and the gradual cooling that ushers in majestic maples and gold and red aspen provide the extra fillip that marks Colorado as God's country.  Trees line my neighborhood and gracefully endure their transition from leafy greens to colorful golds and burgundy-tinged magentas. I anticipate the first frost and the season-changing wind that makes its way through our yards.

Particularly, Fall focuses my attention on Courtney, my younger daughter. who now lives eternally in the Holy City whose streets are paved with gold, and where angels ceaselessly worship God.  Although no sickness or death exists there,  the pangs, bittersweet anguish, meld with my tears that often flow with no warning.  Courtney suffered grievously from Type 2 diabetes.  Diagnosed while still a college student, Courtney learned to "handle this monster" diabetes, as well as she could,  Depression joined her at the hip, it seemed until she mastered glucose monitoring, a diet of low glycemic foods, insulin injections, and controlling what she allowed to enter her mind and thoughts.

"Sometimes my clouds hang low
And I can hardly see the road
And I ask this question, Lord
Why so much pain?
But He knows what's best for me
Even though my weary eyes cannot see
So I'll just say thank You, Lord
I won't complain."

Yet, Courtney laughed much more than she cried, and groused even less! 

Courtney became a middle school teacher, even when declaring repeatedly while growing up that she would never teach.  "I don't understand why you'd knowingly torture yourself, or how you do it year after year," she'd say.  So, what does a Mama know anyway?  Courtney became a school teacher, and a darned good one, at that! Finally, she conceded, "I guess I'm just a chip off the old block Ma, emphasis on old."  Hundreds of students attended her Memorial service.  I heard snippets of students' conversations decrying their loss and reminiscing about what a "good teacher Ms. Courtney was!"

God blessed me with two beautiful daughters, born three years apart and as unlike as night and day.  Tracey, the older, always insisted on "big sister" privileges, which Courtney resolutely resisted.  Neither could nor would deny, however, the loving sisterly bond that flowed between them.  Tracey misses Courtney and like me. often grapples with the "what ifs" and "whys."  Still, we believe what Mother would ing, "And we'll understand it better by and by."  

I say  to Courtney,

"Since you went away
The days grow long
And soon I'll hear
Old winter's song.
But I miss you most of all
My darling
When autumn leaves 
Start to fall."