Choosing

Struggle.  Struggle marks my days.  Sometimes it even dogs my steps, from the moment I open my eyes to a brand new day until I let Kai, my faithful friend, out to start his day.  

What's the struggle?  

I must choose "joy" or "sadness" to define or endorse the next 24-hours.  No matter whether I open my eyes to the sun or shadow, my choice initiates an internal dialogue.  Where does it begin?  In the head first, or is it the heart?  The brain where consciousness identifies current events or past history? Or the heart which stores hurt, anguish, or pain that pumps like a tangled water hose---in spurts, squirts, or drops? Or does another phenomenon occlude all of them?

Do I sound like a kid proudly reciting the recently learned "ABC" ditty to adoring relatives?  An amazing example of parental duplicity reminds me of what I used to say four out of five days to moody, teenage daughters (redundant?), "It's your choice, Baby Girl; it's up to you to decide whether this is going to be a good day or a horrible one.  It's your choice!"  Duplicity rears its ugly head because I didn't practice what I preached.  Hmm.

Decades later, I've had to come to grips with fundamental beliefs.  Which had I chosen over the years? A happy face or a scowl, joy or dismay?  What to do now?   Fortunately, life has taught me that the glib responses I'd given Tracey and Courtney lacked something.  Perception, perhaps? Only after I recognized and clearly understood that I could not make choices alone did help appear.

"I will lift up my eyes to the hills---
From whence comes my help?
My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth." Psalm 121:1 KJV

"Humble yourselves, therefore, beneath the mighty hand of God,
that he may exalt you in due time:
Casting all your cares upon him;
for he careth for you." 1 Peter 5:6, KJV

"Ask, and it will be given to you;
seek, and you will find;
knock, and it will be opened to you.
For everyone who asks receives,
and the one who  seeks finds,
and to the one  who knocks it will be opened."  Matthew  7:7-8, ESV

I had to learn to "humble" myself and ask! I had to learn to speak to God, my Creator,  first thing every morning!  "And He walks with me and He talks with me and He tells me I am His own..."  Surely, God always answers---loudly and clearly!  First, though, I had to learn and thank Him for awakening me to a brand new day.  It's not a debate! Nor is it something to do every once in a while.  Ask, receive, accept, and act!  Daily.  Oh, and equally important, thank Him for hearing and answering.  I've served as a mom, teacher, and manager, so I can guarantee: "Practice makes perfect!"

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