Sabotage


Perhaps I build my own blockades, my own dams, working at them as feverishly as beavers energetically erect theirs. 

Maybe I've become so comfortable deflecting blame onto someone or something else that I'd forgotten how the grievance started in the first place.

Have I received comfort from being the aggrieved one, from folding and blending anger and pain as I would stir eggs and butter into the batter of my life?

How does martyrdom or self-flagellation give me the imprimatur victimhood?

How do I see me? As hunted or hunter?

Philippians 4:13 assures "I can do all things through him who strengthens me.  "All."  That tiny, three-letter word packs dynamite power in its potential and promise.  Do I see me as a little person surrounded by giants? 

Because too many of my responses have fallen into the "affirmative" column,  I must embrace the promises offered in the Holy Bible to confront needed change, with no hemming, hawing, or hedging.  I must reject the passivity of a victim, either consciously or subconsciously.  

I have not exercised the dunamis power that lives in my DNA.  We use the term, "Dynamite" for the Greek "dunamis."  Same thing.  The power comes with the person---not just me, everybody.  Some people recognize and learn to use it sooner than late bloomers.  Others may have inklings of power but don't quite know how to harness it.   So many cultural norms dealing with race and gender can hamper insight and clear thinking.

Yet, every person can access the choice Jesus offered in John 14:12, "Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes in me will also do the works that I do, and greater works than these will he do..." (ESV).  It seems like every time the choice to exercise power presented itself.  I either folded or passed.  Simply, I couldn't feel the power the way I'd imagine power would feel.  Makes little or no sense, right? Right!

I love the image of putting on my big girl's underpants to do battle with apathy and lethargy. Laughter gurgles up in me as I picture me.  Onward, fledgling warrior, marching as to war! Underpants and all.

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