Large or Small?

Year after year and even decade after decade, I marked life events and circumstances in upper-case, or capital, letters.  I did not differentiate between little or big, unimportant or important, attention-riveting or mundane happenstances, or deserving of attention or not. 

 Either I did not realize what I was doing or I suffered from complacent myopia.  It became easier to view EVERYTHING through the lens of imminent or downright catastrophe.  Of course, this indecisiveness exhausted, which ultimately excused any inaction.  Extreme. Malingering. Or both? 

After all, how could I be expected to find the time to address myriad events sensibly? Hmm. Then the flickering light bulb stayed on long enough to look me in the eyes and ask, "How dare you? How dare you live life beneath your privilege? How long will you bathe in uncertainty?"   Finally, life intruded, replete with a pair of spectacles unencumbered by rose or amber tint.  I could no longer avoid or deny that the train of procrastination (if hat's what it was) had left the station. More than likely, fear reigned. A suitcase filled with upper and lower case letters emptied itself onto the challenges life presented.  A different drummer, to mix a metaphor.

In reality, not everything could carry identical importance.  My extreme avoidance of decision-making embarrassed and enervated. Here I was, long past the age of consent, refusing to make decisions because of (go ahead and say it!) fear.  False. Evidence. Appearing. Real.  I possessed the capability to face life's boomerangs, bullets, and bazookas.  I'm not a coward! Nor am I indecisive.  I called upon the Apostle Paul who coached with the reminder, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

The  Rip Van Winkle woke up in me,  watched as I washed the sleep out of my eyes and face, and looked around in astonishment. I swiveled around and heard lyrics about as old as Rip, 

"I can see clearly now the rain is gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It's gonna be a bright 
Bright sunshiny day."

Except, it wasn't that easy; there's nothing magical about change.  It takes introspection that initially stymies.  It calls for perseverance and commitment.  It requires facing situations head-on.  And yes, it demands courage.  It's one thing to declare; it's another thing altogether to demonstrate, to do it.  The wimpy me slipped and slid as I tested the strength within my knees, the muscle and sinew in my legs, and conviction in my heart.  Yes, I could walk upright even if at first, I lurched from side to side.  How did I measure growth? I stood to full height, squared my shoulders, stopped averting eye-to-eye contact, first with me, and most importantly, with another person's eyes, and moved!

Like the Mikey of TV fame, "Try it; you'll like it."