Declaration of Dependence

"And now, the end is near;
And so I face the final curtain,
My friend, I'll say it clear,
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain.

No, I'm not about to write, nor will you have to read, my obituary.  (Nothing about the sleep of a thousand eons.)  It might be presumptuous to pen such a requiem since I plan to live forever! Well, for a really, really long time. No, the lyrics Frank Sinatra made famous serve a different purpose.  Finally tired of the posturing and bravado that seem to attach itself to me, I face the music of another kind. Unfettered honest

                                  I give up! The ghost of independence.

Pride-filled with the life of my construction and feeling as smug as the third little pig in the fairy tale, I woke with a start.  Distortions, contortions, and distractions had lulled me into the deep sleep of ignorance.  I thought my status, my position, my world derived from my efforts, my education, my ambition, my choices, my decisions---an endless litany of my, my, my.  

"I've lived a life that's full.

I've traveled each and ev'ry highway;

And much, much more than this;        

I did it my way."

What gave room for this epiphany, this 180-degree turnabout? When I awakened from the stupor of self-satisfaction, looked around eyes-wide-open, I saw, really saw,  a world replete with "Me-isms," and remembered Mother's admonition,  "Don't," she warned, "Think you can do anything on your own!"  Winding up she'd quote, "Of myself, I can do nothing, but I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me." That's what the Bible says, she'd remind me for the umpteenth time.

Finger in my face, she'd then demand, "Say, thank You, Lord."  I'd repeat it and promptly push it into the recesses of "There she goes again!" Yes, somehow the siren song of "Success-at-Any-Cost" or "Looking-Out-for-Number One" lured me to ignore the truth for anything shiny.  No excuse for my behavior.  Absolutely none.  Self-deception offered the easy way out.  I exalted a fairy tale of self-reliance, based on "Me, Myself, and I into goddesses and other lesser gods.

"Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew.

But through it all, when there was doubt,

I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all and I stood tall;
And did it my way."

 

I did it my way---no doubt about it.  But what did I get? Bruises, breaks, scrapes, skirmishes, brokenness, heartache, and dreams deferred, to list a handful.  I had wandered from Mother's loving advice and relegated her to the "Old fashioned" ash heap. When I finally awakened, it was with a ravenous appetite! You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free. 

At great cost though.  

It required acknowledging the God of my parents and ancestor.  The "Let there be light and there was light" God.   I had to dig deep down to the taproot of my soul, where pride and arrogance flourished. Eureka! What would have happened if I hadn't wasted decades being my own god? How different would my life have been if I had chosen God, my El Shaddai  (More than Enough); Adonai (Master); Elohim (Powerful); Jireh (Provider); Rohi (Shepherd): Shalom (Peace); Alpha and Omega (Beginning and End).  My All in All. 

I once was blind but now I see.