Time and Movement

"I am healed by the wound in His side.  I am healed by the wound in His side.  I am healed by the wound in my Savior's side.  I am healed by the wound in His side."

Make no mistake about it:  Grief work is hard work.  Heart-breaking.  Spirit draining. Wily.  Furtive.  Slippery.  Calculating. Hurtful.  Exhausting.  Strange.  Incapacitating.   Demoralizing.  Paralyzing.  Enervating.  Crippling.  Soul-searching.  Disabling.  Tormenting.  Mysterious.  You get the picture? And that's only the tip of the Loss Iceberg.  

Too, it's useless  to wonder which is less catastrophic: the death of the chronically ill whose demise can be predicted by medical technology almost to the hour.  No, I didn't believe the doctor who told me my sister would be dead in 48 hours.  I clung partly to denial,  all the while wishing for a miracle.  Just this one time, Jesus, for my sister! She's always been so good to everyone, even those who didn't like her! 

Yet, I stood at her bedside when the machine flatlined, and she died.  

Why speculate whether slaughter by traffic, suicide, domestic  violence, urban warfare, or myriad unknown and unexpected causes is less traumatic.  The finality of death cannot be disputed.  Nor can its reactions or responses be neatly pigeonholed.  The way survivors handle death ranges from the deeply personal to the clinically detached to the catatonic. 

What to do with the bottomless pain, anguish, and torture is the conundrum.  Where could I go? Where could I go, seeking refuge for my soul,  Needing a friend to save me in the end, Where could I go but to the Lord? But where was He? I didn't know.  However, for me songs produce miracles (remember, they don't have to come suddenly!) Yet, the lyrics of a song members of my parent's church  insinuated themselves in memory and quietly insisted I listen.

"I was sad and lonely, all my hopes were gone, Days were long and dreary, I couldn't carry on. Then I found the courage to keep my head up high, Once again I'm happy, and here's the reason why.  I found the answer, when I learned to pray, With faith to guide me I found the wa. The sun is shining for me each day, I found the answer when I learned to pray." 

Yes, grief differs for each of us; no easy answers appear because grief is hard work.  The rollercoaster finally slows down and then stops.  Truly.