Suddenly

Suddenly

Unbidden.  Unexpected.  Unannounced.  Suddenly. In the midst of weekly Saturday cleaning (ugh! but somebody's got to do it), the words came.

"When peace like a river attendeth my way, When sorrows, like sea billows, roll; Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say, It is well, it is well with my soul." 

What? Never in a Millenium would I have thought I'd be humming those lyrics in my head, audible, lacking only music. How had they penetrated the steel bars and double padlocks I had erected after the sudden death of Courtney, my younger daughter? While I had not consciously built barriers, I had done nothing to stop them, either.  Too tiring.  Too useless. Meaningless.  Long ago, I had given up. On everything. Oh, sometimes I'd go through the motions of leaving my self-imposed prison on furlough. I knew, though, I'd return to a cocoon made of impenetrable, tensile materials, all the more impregnable because feelings are just too messy, too unpredictable.  Best to leave them alone.

"Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, Let this blest assurance control.  That Christ has regarded my helpless estate And has shed His own blood for my soul." 

I never believed the bromide that time heals all wounds.  Never. Time is time is time, and that's it.  Man-made, it has no therapeutic properties.  Well-worn for decades and useless except that its overuse has given time a certain panache; supposedly, it heals.  Are we to believe that somehow, somewhat magically, pain and loss and anger and hopelessness disappear into thin air?  No.  I used to tell my daughters that time passed whether they went to school, got a job, or ran off to join the circus (well, not the circus part, but they got what I meant).

No, something else was at work that Saturday morning. Was I hallucinating ( how would I know)? I continued cleaning, although it seems to take longer each Saturday. Days later, my answer came in a rush of words: This could only be God.  God is healing me! I "heard" the song because of the still, small voice" of the Holy Spirit.  "...but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake' And after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice" (1 Kings 19:11b-12).

God heals---every part and piece that needs His touch!  Not only the heart that breaks when a loved one dies or a relationship ends, His eye sees all. "You are the one who created my innermost parts; you knit me together while I was still in my mother's womb" (Psalm 139:12); and "You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thoughts from afar"  (Psalm 139:2).  He knows our physical and emotional issues, pain and sorrow that no MRI can detect.  He knows the words we find so hard to speak.  He knows "fear" simply denotes False Evidence Appearing Real. The words came that Saturday morning to signal God's active presence.  Only He, not time, can heal me. It's an inside job!

"It is well with my soul.  It is well with my soul"